We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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