booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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