i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize