From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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