I must be too annoying 4 u.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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