just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
