i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
