My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she peed on how many people?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
