I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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