just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
