yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
