I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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