You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Green mimosas i think yes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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