i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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