Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
