I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize