Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
