Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
