We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found your dick twin last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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