Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
