Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
