All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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