Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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