I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Your penis caused this!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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