I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he fucked my hip out of place.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
