Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
