plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have so many feelings about this burrito
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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