Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we have officially lost it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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