well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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