just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
