how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.