A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008