you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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