I think I won the penis lottery.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
