You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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