And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
