drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
