3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
