I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
