Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
