I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize