Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
