I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
