Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
