Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
