I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
