I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it because I queefed?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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