I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
