Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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