I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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