Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
