Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
