i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
