I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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