It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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