I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
