Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
