I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
