This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
