I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize