guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
