uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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