I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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