Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am spending my child support on dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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