i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
