so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
