Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
