So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
