My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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