So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
